I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
