just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
