Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
