So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
