we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
