I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i wish my penis had a tongue
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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