Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
