I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
