thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
