I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
