Do you still have your period?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
