you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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