Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
