she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
