And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
