I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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