i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
