Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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