so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
