What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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