It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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