bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
