He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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