When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
