I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
