I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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