I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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