i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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