if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
