It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
