She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
