good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
