literally had 100 drinks last night.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
