nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
