I met the friendliest cop last night
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
