I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
