he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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