ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
