I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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