If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
