so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
