come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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