4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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