In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
