How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
