i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
