hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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