So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
