I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
