; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
