I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
