My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Randomize
