just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
